Before we begin, you should know that my tastes in movies has been called… suspect by people who know me. While I agree I love movies that most would never seek out unless on illicit substances (Zombeavers! Velocipastor! Llamageddon!) I like to think my tastes are eclectic. Let’s begin, shall we?

Wolf (1994)

Jack Nicholson. Michelle Pfeiffer. James Spader. Off to a good start, right? Guess what? It continues to be good! (Ish.) Nicholson chews the scenery as if it’s saltwater taffy, Pfeiffer looks somewhat confused by the entire production, and Spader is Robert California no matter what he’s in. But what makes this movie so good (read: terrible) is the creature makeup for the werewolf. It’s… um, certainly a choice that was made. And it never fails to make me clap my hands in glee.

Red: Werewolf Hunter (2010)

A Syfy Channel Original Movie! Which means you know it’s going to be so bad, it’s good. And guess what! It is!

This charming tale is an adaptation (and I use that word loosely) of Red Riding Hood. Felicia Day plays Virginia, a descendant of Red Riding Hood. Naturally, she has red hair and so everyone calls her Red. What are the odds!?!?

Which brings us to the werewolves. You ever go to a big box store around Halloween and see those cheap, terrible masks made of thick, stinking plastic that makes you instantly start to sweat when you wear it? Good news! The filmmakers have also seen those and used them for the movie! And somehow, it makes it even better.

Silver Bullet (1985)

A Stephen King adaptation? About werewolves? Hell yes!

And the movie is great! The plot actually makes sense! Production, the acting, the direction, all of it looks pretty good, especially for a movie made in the mid-Eighties.

But what makes this movie even better is just how terrible the werewolf looks. Imagine, if you will, a large dog costume made to look hairy and with bigger teeth. That’s it. That’s the werewolf. Isn’t Hollywood fun?

Van Helsing (2004)

You’re Hugh Jackman. You have burst into the world as Wolverine in the X-Men films. So, as one does, you parlay that success into playing Van Helsing, the mythical vampire hunter. But! You aren’t only going to hunt vampires. No, there are other monsters too….

Including the worst CGI werewolves that have probably ever graced the silver screen. They look like skinny bears with mange. And yet, I have seen this movie more times than I care to count because you know what? I would also probably try and kill computer-generated skinny bears with mange if they came after me. I don’t judge Hugh Jackman (except for X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but that’s a story for another day).

Twilight Saga (2008-2012)

Yeah, yeah. I know. Twilight. Look. Think what you will about this series, but the fact remains that this series caused millions of readers to pick up a book for the first time in a long time. That’s something to be celebrated because it matters. Stephanie Meyers tapped into something that most other authors could only dream about. Good on her!

Now, to be fair, I have never read the books, and I have only seen the last half of the first movie. But! As an expert in all things werewolves (something I have just decided I am) I feel that it is my duty to discuss the depiction of werewolves that I saw.

It was bad. The werewolves were… not good. But! The last half of the movie I saw would have been much worse without them. Yay for CGI werewolves that look like a live-action remake of Balto!

Wolfsong by TJ Klune is published by Tor. Order your copy HERE

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